Me and The Monkey: Chronicles of the Monkey God Vol 1 by Andy Darby

Author: Andy Darby

Title: Me and The Monkey: Chronicles of the Monkey God Vol 1

Genre/Genres: Dark Fantasy, Humour, Alternative History, Conspiracy, Magic


Our narrator, in his mid-thirties, and after splitting up with his long-term girlfriend, finds himself in an Amsterdam coffee shop playing a game of Othello against a mysterious man. Winner gets a cigar smoking, talking monkey known simply as The Monkey. Back home in Cornwall they enjoy monkey induced chaos, drugs, Jack Daniels and bad TV while The Monkey has flashbacks of a previous life as an American soldier in Vietnam. On a drunken night out, they meet the Monster Highs, two beautiful sisters who subsequently turn out to be seemingly immortal ghouls. One day, attempting to stop the constant rain, The Monkey performs a magic ritual he has invented and causes a small black hole to form in the spare bedroom.

As the black hole begins to enlarge, they recruit the help of Kev, Tony and Dave, collectively known as the Nerds, in an attempt to control it and stop things coming through it.

They find a monkey faced pendant in an occult shop and trace it back to a large house on the edge of Dartmoor and a journal containing arcane diagrams and maps eluding to a jungle temple on the Cambodian/Vietnam border. Photos in the journal show an Arno Whitaker with the expedition and we learn that he is the mysterious Snakebite who has been hacking their computer.

Symbol carved sticks in The Monkeys possession prove to have some sort of link to the black hole when assembled into seven pointed stars. The eyes on the monkey pendant begin to glow and man and monkey fly to Cambodia in search of the temple.

Choppered into the jungle by Vietnam veteran Hambone they meet members of a secret organisation called the Green and Red Society and discover more of The Monkey’s past and that he is an incarnation of a monkey god. At the jungle temple they are involved in a fire fight in which the narrator gets shot. But they manage to use the seven-pointed stars to activate another black hole.

Recovering, they make their way back to Cambodia, but before leaving the country Hambone is assassinated. After the funeral, The Monkey is introduced to the Buddhist monk who rescued him from a US Army research base in Thailand and the Mao-Shan sorcerer from the Green and Red Society tells them that the Illuminati is trying to control the power of the monkey god.  
They set a trap for Hambone’s assassin and kill him, then they head for the airport where they briefly meet their nemesis Arno Whitaker, obviously a main player for the Illuminati. 

Back home the Monster Highs are protecting the Nerds from agents hunting for them. The black hole is showing a view of the Nevada desert – Area 51. Also, JudyZ, a hacker friend of the Nerds who was helping them out has gone missing. 

They go through into Area 51 finding an array of towers, and, more disturbingly, a compound full of people who begin to howl when they see them. Back home they order more weapons courtesy of a South African mercenary called Johno. Going back for a closer look they end up in a battle with the soldiers and the rabid compound dwellers. Retreating through the black hole they get intelligence from the Green and Red Society regarding the towers and a super soldier testing programme. Returning again they destroy the towers and the compound which causes the black hole to go blank.

Anonymous warning messages appear on their phones alerting them to ambushes and Police operations, and the eyes of the pendant start glowing again while the black hole shows a scene of Scottish mountains and coast.

Through the black hole they go with instructions from the Green and Red Society to lookout for a submarine. They find a WW2 German U Boat wreck and after borrowing some scuba gear from The Monkey’s Russian contacts they get on board and find a locked puzzle box. Prof Brian, a puzzle expert joins them at the house and manages to open the box, inside they find an ancient monkey finger bone. Something tries to get through the black hole and after tracking it they discover it is a zombie Tibetan monk. Back in the U Boat they find a sealed tube containing documents but, on the way back are attacked and just manage to escape. 

With information from the U Boat documents they go to London searching for ancient Celtic magic items and find the Spear of Lugh. Returning home, they pass through the black hole again and are involved in a battle where they find out exactly what the spear can do. But they miss another magic item, the Dagda’s Cauldron, which falls into the hands of the Illuminati. 

More anonymous text messages and with the help of Captain Bartholomew Tempest-Stewart they gain access to a disused RAF underground bunker. They find JudyZ’s consciousness trapped in an old computer terminal. JudyZ gets a new home in a laptop and the black hole points to Chernobyl. They go through and in the crypt of a church find a slab of rock carved with Viking runes which Prof Brian gets translated. The black hole shifts again and points to somewhere in Iceland.

JudyZ uploads herself into a satellite while the others go through the black hole. They are ambushed by zombie soldiers created in the cauldron and Dave is killed. After the funeral, they go back through to Iceland while JudyZ keeps watch from her satellite. They find a Viking skeleton and are attacked by the undead soldiers and a shaman wielding a giant magic sword. The shaman kills one of the Monster Highs and her sister gets into the cauldron with her. The Monkey kills the shaman and then they carry the cauldron back through the black hole.
The house in Cornwall is attacked by mercenaries led by Johno who is working for the Green and Red Society which has gone over to the Illuminati. The Monster Highs return but now they are joined, two heads, two legs, four arms.
They must go back through to Iceland and find the black hole created by the Illuminati shaman. Passing through they find themselves in a warehouse manufacturing more super soldiers. The rogue Mao-Shan sorcerers are there, and the final battle begins. Arno Whitaker is killed by the magic sword which accidently touches the spear, creating an energy vortex that is only stopped when the Monster Highs sacrifice themselves.

Back at the house more Illuminati soldiers are coming through the black hole, so The Monkey blows up the house. JudyZ moves herself permanently to a satellite and the others manage to escape to Amsterdam on a Russian ship where they discover the fate of the Green and Red Society and hole up until the next adventure.


Links to where to get the book
Links to where to connect to yourself



Popular posts from this blog

Book review - An Enemy Like Me by Teri M. Brown

Feed My Reads Awards 2022 and your winners are

Claude Bouchard interview